Health24 Sex Survey Review - Q11-20

And so the review continues (you can see Q1-10 here) ... no responses/comments on yesterdays post so I am sure I am just not being read ... either that or no one really found it funny ... well fuck em cause I did ;)

11. How, by comparison, was your most recent sexual experience?

Okay everyone seems to think it was 'Much Better' ... well now Im sure that the case cause the most recent time is probably the most recent one you REMEMBER ... dumbasses ... on the other hand with practice comes skill so you will definitely get better with more and more practice ... but come on people are you really that shallow that you can grade every experience ... omg honey we got a 6.0 ... oooooh ... we going to the olympics !!!

Seems barely 3% of the population feels they shouldnt be grading things at all ... then again maybe these guys just couldnt find the 'None of the above' option so picked the one which seemed closest ...

What I really struggle with this question is the baselining ... which appears to be individual based ... therefore if I have crappy sex 99% of the time and the last time was incredible then I will definitely say 'Much Better' ... but if I have great sex all the time but the last time was more ho hum than before then Im gonna answer 'Much more ordinary' (wtf is ordinary sex ?? missionary ? whether you came or not ?? fuck man where are they getting the basis for the questions) ... Then of course I may be having great sex but I always have great sex so my answer will be 'Same' ... well of course but fuck man give me an example of a frigging baseline on which this begins ... are we all sposed to be considered to be having 'shitty' sex and therefore anything better than crap is considered better ... but if we beginning on 'shitty' sex than can it actually get any worse ? /me ponders this

12. Can you remember all the names of all the people you've ever had sex with?

Big up to the women in ZA ... most appear to remember the names of all the guys they have been with ... I spose the better question would be 'Did you collect a personal history from said individuals prior to fucking their brains out ?' ... I mean come on ... whats really in a name ... and did you get his FULL name or just that his friends call him 'Chuck' or 'G-Man' ... do some background checks people ... in a country infested with HIV/Aids the respondents should be saying 100% that they know each and every partner ... cause fuck if you get summing dodge you should be able to let all these poor schmucks know ASAP.

13. Do you enjoy sex?

No surprise here that men pretty much enjoy it all the time ... women on the other hand seem quite torn on this issue but the way is positive in that the majority still feels they at least enjoy it some to all of the time ;) ... once again this is a pretty open question so difficult to gauge on what the overall definition of sex really is ... if I shove my love pole up yer ass and it feels like you gonna have the runs for 6 weeks then I am completely understanding of why you would say you dont enjoy sex ... on the flip side if I go down on you and you smell like that fish and chip shop on Fish Hoek main road ... well yea im probably not gonna enjoy the experience (ymmv cause personally I love a woman's smell - such a turn on) ...

14. Have you ever had sex with?

Maybe its just me but either Cape Town was offline when they initiated this survey or homosexuals in SA are just too camp to come out of the proverbial closet ... only 5% of the guys have been with both men/women or men alone ... I spose both genders have their 'experimental phases' ... just that guys probably experiment once and never go back whilst women ... well women ... you guys take pictures and we pay lots of money to download them online ;) ...

I think the low response from the women is cause maybe they dont quite know how to respond to this ... maybe the strap-on sale was over already and they equate penetration to sex ? the next question seems to validate this cause a load more women seem to have had foreplay than sex with women ... so I am sure the line defining foreplay vs sex is rather gray when it comes to women ...

15. Have you had sexual foreplay with?

Spose the question here is more so around giving and recieving ... with a 'definition' of sex you would assume that this implies both are getting some ... but with foreplay you could really take either role ... so it is highly possible the male respondents figure that 'Well if the shemale sucked me off in Taiwan then can I answer both men and women, I mean I didnt know till she took off her pants and had a bigger dick than me, I swear !!' ... wots surprising here is that I honestly would have believed more women would be bi-curious ... dont you people go to college/university ??

16. Does your sex drive change all the time, or is it pretty constant?

This one is pretty self explanitory most guys are either horny ... or super horny ... dont think it happens too often where a guy doesnt wanna get laid ... yea yea there are times when he will struggle to get it up but damn woman that dont mean he doesnt wanna get laid ... it just means he is maybe stressed cause the Blue Bulls didnt win their last match ...

Women on the other hand go through so many phases in a few minutes let alone an entire month so basically its a hit n miss situation ... sometimes you get laid ... sometimes you dont ... just remember guys a little bit of cuddling and doing the dishes goes a loooong way to getting you to have a more active sex life ;)

Men are like microwaves, women are like an oven, you have to warm the oven up before you can cook in it. ;)

17. (Male) Have you ever had unprotected sex with a partner you weren't in a relationship with?
OMG this is so insane ... in a country like SA where HIV/Aids is such a huge problem and you guys dont remember to use protection ... dont be a fool, wrap your tool !!

17. (Female) How often do you fake an orgasm?

WTF ... how is it that men dont get asked this question ... is it only women who fake it ... man this just shows the ineptitude of our country when they still think that ejaculation = orgasm ... fuck that ... guys once you have had a REAL orgasm you will fucking know when you aint having one ... hate to throw so much FUD to the women out there but I can gaurantee you that at least one of your male partners has 'faked it' just so that he can get his lame-o ass off you and get back to the rugby game ...

Now women ... you are being so fucking stupid by doing this ... sex should be enjoyable for both of you ... if you aint enjoying it and you have to fake it then why the fuck you bothering at all ... believe me when you learn to 'connect' with your partner you will both be having so many mind blowing orgasms that even the thought of faking will seem silly to you too ...

Get over yourselves women ... we (typically) wanna please you as well as you please us ... so therefore give us a fucking helping hand (a fist if you a tad loose down there) ... talk to us ... share what you like even if its a position that we can only hold for all of 6 seconds before our bodies scream out in pleasurable pain ... its all worth it ...

Its no wonder assholes like mentioned by wonderfullyconfused exist ... its all you bloody fakers out there who are creating a damn monster who thinks he is a Don Juan/Casanova wannabe who can please a woman just by pitching up (pun intended).

18. (Male) Have you ever had anal sex?

This is a confusing one ... according to the stats there are around 5% of males who have either been with a 'Men only' or 'Both Women/Men' ... so how they fuck do we get to over 6% of the male population who has RECIEVED anal sex ?? Like WTF are you people lying in your answers or you just dont wanna discuss that 'one weekend you spent in the county lockup' ...

What does surprise me is the 30% of men who seem to be against this ... arent you curious at all ... or maybe you too shy to go buy some lubricant from your local sex shop ... remember KY is available at your local chemist and is used in many other situations other than just anal (though the woman at the counter will definitely know by your boyish grin EXACTLY what you intend it for hehehe)

18. (Female) Have you ever had unprotected sex with a partner you weren't in a relationship with?

Seems women have their heads screwed on a bit tighter than men ... I do have an opinion of why which is that for women its not just VDs they have to worry about but also pregnancy which really (no matter how much he says he will stick by you) becomes her problem a LOT more than the guys ... now if more guys were into anal we could easily assist you here by just shoving it up yer ass rather than having you risk getting pregnant ... VDs will still persist but anal does tend to require a lot more comfort so hopefully you will have gotten his full name this time (at least) ;)

19. (Male) How do you feel about giving oral sex?

This suprised me ... there seems to be a lot of men out there who just loooove munching on that rug ... well guys Im in total agreement here ... you can fuck a woman and she will come back for more ... give her incredible head and she is yours forever !! ;)

19. (Female) Have you ever had anal sex?

Mmmm ... this is where my confusion sets in ... cause according to these numbers 35% of women are getting it up the batty ... yet according to the men only 25% are giving it up the batty ... so where the fuck is the other 10% coming from ladies ... or you and your dildo collection getting REAL chummy ;)

I swear the more I look at these numbers the more im starting to think the collection of morons who responded are a combination of overunderanalsexedassholebitches with no fucking clue how their previous answers are influenced by the rest of the answers ...

20. (Male - Oral) And when you're on the receiving end?

10% of the male population doesnt like getting head ?? WTF ... they even had that as an option ?? Guys ... cum now ... either u just havent recieved a decent blow job or you dont realize that a little trimming goes a loooong way to getting more (and decent) head ... it even makes your twanger look a bit bigger so its all good ... just think how "attractive" it is when she comes up after sucking you love pole only to grin at you with a short n curly sticking out of her recently whitened teeth ... so keep the garden in order and she will come ride your swing far more often ...
20. (Female) How do you feel about giving oral sex?

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies ... so you will let us shove it up your ass ... put it in that pleasurable place between your legs ... but you wont get on yer knees and suck that puppy dry ?? Whilst Ill discuss the rest of the questions in more detail I must mention that how is it fair for you to respond a healthy 55% to getting some dig dug downstairs action but only 30% of you believe its good to give AND recieve ... obviously not knowing the direct relation to these responses it is highly possible that 30% of you are kewl with giving and a completely seperate 55% of you just want your oyster of luvvin licked till you explode with ecstasy ... how the fuck is that fair ...

Damn ladies Im getting rather disappointed with your responses overall ... you all sound a bit prudish in some circumstances but right fucking hoes in others ... put it up yer ass, dont put it up yer ass, lick you, suck me, fuck me outside, or inside, or in view of the next door neighbours dog ... you guys re just so damn difficult ... men ... we just want u to pitch up ... preferrably naked ... a bonus is when you wearing summing kinky like that school girl outfit we bought so we can live out our loss of not getting laid at school ... damn ... sex just sounds difficult when its in survey form ;)

till later

Health24 Sex Survey Review - Q1-10

So Health24 has released their Sex Survey ... now being the male that I am I can almost guarantee that almost all of the male respondents were sent the questions by their girlfriends/wives etc cause I highly doubt Health24 has a major male readership (unless its those semigay dudes who buy Men's Health claiming to 'read the articles' when all they are really interested in is the multitude of male underwear models throughout the pages - it should be called Men Who Like Buff Men's Health) ...

Anyhow, upon reading the responses I have some interesting points to discuss ...

1. How important is sex in your life?

Both men and women appear to have similar views on this ... they both feel it is 'Very' important ... which it should be cause well if the motion in the ocean aint rocking your boat then you may as well take up a new hobby ... like knitting or counting the tiles in your bathroom ...

Where I am a bit confused is on the male answers 'Not at All' and 'Other' ... not at all ?? who the fuck you trying to kid ? must be some of the respondents who thought that when they gave their email address to recieve the results that they were being monitored by their SOs through some women's underground sex survey check ... trying to be all sensitive n shit thinking that by responding to this some unsuspecting woman is gonna read it and think OMG he is so sensitive and not interested in 'just sex' ... i so have to fuck him senseless and give him my virginity (for the 9th time) cause I just know he is 'the one' ...

And 'Other' ?? WTF ?? how do you answer other to a question like this ... its kind of a variation on the yes/no structure with varying levels of intensity ... other ?? ... like what ... its only important in certain circumstances like when you paid the bitch and want your monies worth ?? fuck man get a clue ... then again maybe these guys just dont understand the concept of yes vs no ... in which case ladies stay the fuck away from them ...

2. What feature of a person most affects whether they turn you on?

Well it seems my fat ass is never gonna get laid in SA ... cause it appears that whether its a man or a woman if I dont have the body I aint gonna be getting me some ... then again they dont really go into much detail about what 'Body' covers ... so like maybe a large number of respondents are into fat asses in which case Im ahead of the game ...

What really confuses me is just how fucking dumb are the women in our country which when given the option between 'None of the above' and 'Other' cant seem to figure out that these are THE SAME FUCKING ANSWER !!!

3. Have you ever fallen in love?

More of these sensitive guys thinking they gonna get laid by 'opening up' ... what they really need is a question 'Do you know the difference between lust, love and just feeling horny ?' ... fuck ... enough booze and any man will love u loooong time ... or at least till the morning when he wakes up and discovers that he may have gone home with the wrong woman but who the fuck cares cause HE GOT LAID !!!

4. What feature of a person most affects whether you might fall in love with them?

Apparently 'Personality' ... well people if 'Body' turns you on and 'Personality' makes them a permanent feature ... then are u fucked if you love them but arent turned on by them ? Or do you just 'take one for the team' till you find someone who possibly turns you on but doesnt really have much in the way of personality ...

I know of a saying regarding women ... A woman can have a great personality, a gorgeous appearance, and is completely sane of mind ... pick 2 cause the third will always be the opposite ... ymmv (btw for all the bitches out there - this also applies to men - and I mean bitches in that way that rap singers use it to describe scantily clad women dancing all the time - so its a friendly term) ;)

5. How frequently do you fantasise about sex?

OMG it appears that the majority of SA is waaaaay too undersexed ... either that or we just have the horniest nation in the country ... fuck I know what they need to do for the next elections ... free oral sex for just showing up cause THEN we will get some real numbers voting as opposed to the majority which appears to include a load of homeless people who get out of the rain/cold for 20 minutes with their ballot paper ...

I fantasise about sex ... um ... every 17 seconds ... even more when I am involving my sexually inspired babe in the discussions (about every 3 seconds then) ... she is like nitrous giving me that extra boost ... 0 to Horny in 3 seconds flat ...

I know I am not undersexed ... im just horny (the politically correct term would be 'in touch with my inner need to practice procreation') ... then again I have been in Nigeria now for almost 7 weeks ... so believe me ... 7 weeks of blue balls and I think they gonna fall off soon ...

6. Do you believe the best sex happens with someone you love?

An amazing number of people think yes ... this is BULLSHIT ... the best sex happens with someone you are COMFORTABLE with ... albeit this is very likely only ever going to be someone you are in love with (and thus someone that you can take a dump in front of knowing that they find it 'cute') ... of course this can also be experienced between plutonic 'best friends' who love each other but are not necessarily 'in love' with each other ... thus allowing for a level of comfort not typically experienced in those one night stand situations ...

I think for most guys not experienced in the tantric ways ... they pretty much figure that as long as they getting laid then the sex is good ... or worse still the better they think they did the better the sex is ... or maybe its based on if they got head before (or even after) they had deposited their load into the crevice they percieve to be 'in love with' ...

Being that the previous answers seem to indicate that you have to have a hot 'Body' in order to be turned on, but you need to have a great 'Personality' in order to fall in love ... this seems to indicate that the majority of respondents get turned on by people who give them shitty sex ??

ie: if the best sex is with a great 'Personality' then why the fuck doesnt this turn you on ?? cause u know the sex is gonna be better ??

7. Have you ever used illegal drugs to enhance your sexual experience?

*cough cough* ... seems that there are a LOT of liars out there ... cause I am certain that in a country like SA where the weed truly does grow in your backyard that it is impossible to find someone who hasnt used even just this to enhance the experience ... maybe there is some confusion as to the word 'illegal' ... maybe they thought it meant drugs you can actually be busted for and not share with your local corrupt government official ?

Or possibly many of the respondents have used drugs to enhance the experience but just got so damn wasted they cant remember if they actually hand an experience at all ... yes guys/girls out there while u were passed out you gave her/him the best sex EVER and he/she tells all her friends about how incredible it was ... but hey as pointed out in some movie I forget right now ... if you were too wasted to remember it ... it never really happened ...

8. Do you masturbate?

Liars the whole lot of you ... in a country where you can find a sex shop within throwing distance of a midget you can gaurantee that these places are not being kept open by their DVD sales/rentals ... especially not with the abundance of pr0n being hawked on every street corner along with the latest Pixar or Disney epic (yea yea you were buying the kids movies and the street seller just "threw" the pr0n in for free) ... these places are stocked with the widest variety of dildos known to wooah man ... you see all those people in Cresta with the inconspicuous brown bags mixed in with the monthly groceries ... ladies and gentlemen thats a fucking DILDO in there ... big ones ... small ones ... ones shaped like a duck ... fat ones ... thin ones ... ones that even go quack ...

And guys ... the 5 finger shuffle may be all you need ... therefore I know for a fact that every guy has given himself a little tug on the odd occasion when you just feel like taking care of yourself ... nothing against women ... you aint gay or nothing ... you just wanna bond with yourself ... its okay guys ... this is NORMAL ... even promoted in some of those 'when I grow up Im gonna have a penis' books you were forced to read when you started to notice the emergence of breasts existing on more people than just your mom ...

9. Have you ever had sex?

How the fuck do you answer a sex survey if you havent ?? What kind of a question is this ... this should be question 1 not 9 ... and then if you answer no all it says thereafter is 'Do you mastubate?' ... cause fuck man if you answer no to having had sex and no to masturbating then how the fuck did you find this link anyhow ? Go away persons ... you are answering the wrong survey ... the 'Am I obsessed with Oprah' survey is neeexxxt week ...

10. Do you wish it had been different the first time you had sex?

Guys seem pretty even on this one ... tho thats a difficult one to answer cause really with any 'sport' you only get better with practice ... so what that you slipped and were fucking her up the ass for the first 7 seconds ... it dont matter cause u only lasted another 5 anyhow before you accidentally slipped out and came all over her bedsheets (im sure she was pleased with that) ... Ill bet you even basked in the afterglow thinking you were 'The Man' whilst she lay there thinking 'is this what its ALWAYS gonna be like ?' ... if by chance your first time was with the local bicycle Im sure you were already a tad confused when after giving you head she gargled and then burped out the alphabet to show off her wikked skillz ... im sure that when you met your next girlfriend and were faced with the same circumstance she was equally confused when it appeared to her that you had been educated in a pr0n movie ... ymmv

Women on the other hand ... I feel for you really I do ... I mean think about it ... suddenly out of the blue you get what used to prod you in the small of your back inserted into a hole which really shouldnt be stretched as much till your first child ... if its both your first time then he probably thought the extent of foreplay was telling you how beautiful you are and possibly lying to you about how much he loved you just so that he could get laid ... luckily for those in this situation he probably only lasted a few seconds so even though it hurt and even tho you felt pretty much no pleasure at all it was over in under 12 seconds or less ... of course being the beginner he is the simple sight of any blood probably sent him packing for fear that he 'broke it' ... for those with a more experienced partner I am sure that the intital pain ... became never ending pain ... till it became pleasurable (hopefully) ... if he was at least a reasonably giving lover he would have exchanged the 'words of love' for some decent cunning linguist action ... going down and digging for diamonds till you had enough moisture to fill a bath tub ... by the time he would have entered you the pleasure already experienced would simply be heightened and the relaxation of your muscles would have allowed a small submarine to pass through unnoticed ... you probably wouldnt notice just how long he lasted just that it was 'big and long' ... probably not quite sure on if you are referring to his member or the time taken ... great nookie has a tendancy to cause brain cells to switch off cause of lack of recent blood supply ...

Anyhow ... Ill carry on with the rest of the survey questions later in a second post ... im horny as fuck now from all this talk of sex, nookie and fucking ... god I cant wait to go home ... only a few days left to go ;)