Health24 Sex Survey Review - Q11-20

And so the review continues (you can see Q1-10 here) ... no responses/comments on yesterdays post so I am sure I am just not being read ... either that or no one really found it funny ... well fuck em cause I did ;)

11. How, by comparison, was your most recent sexual experience?

Okay everyone seems to think it was 'Much Better' ... well now Im sure that the case cause the most recent time is probably the most recent one you REMEMBER ... dumbasses ... on the other hand with practice comes skill so you will definitely get better with more and more practice ... but come on people are you really that shallow that you can grade every experience ... omg honey we got a 6.0 ... oooooh ... we going to the olympics !!!

Seems barely 3% of the population feels they shouldnt be grading things at all ... then again maybe these guys just couldnt find the 'None of the above' option so picked the one which seemed closest ...

What I really struggle with this question is the baselining ... which appears to be individual based ... therefore if I have crappy sex 99% of the time and the last time was incredible then I will definitely say 'Much Better' ... but if I have great sex all the time but the last time was more ho hum than before then Im gonna answer 'Much more ordinary' (wtf is ordinary sex ?? missionary ? whether you came or not ?? fuck man where are they getting the basis for the questions) ... Then of course I may be having great sex but I always have great sex so my answer will be 'Same' ... well of course but fuck man give me an example of a frigging baseline on which this begins ... are we all sposed to be considered to be having 'shitty' sex and therefore anything better than crap is considered better ... but if we beginning on 'shitty' sex than can it actually get any worse ? /me ponders this

12. Can you remember all the names of all the people you've ever had sex with?

Big up to the women in ZA ... most appear to remember the names of all the guys they have been with ... I spose the better question would be 'Did you collect a personal history from said individuals prior to fucking their brains out ?' ... I mean come on ... whats really in a name ... and did you get his FULL name or just that his friends call him 'Chuck' or 'G-Man' ... do some background checks people ... in a country infested with HIV/Aids the respondents should be saying 100% that they know each and every partner ... cause fuck if you get summing dodge you should be able to let all these poor schmucks know ASAP.

13. Do you enjoy sex?

No surprise here that men pretty much enjoy it all the time ... women on the other hand seem quite torn on this issue but the way is positive in that the majority still feels they at least enjoy it some to all of the time ;) ... once again this is a pretty open question so difficult to gauge on what the overall definition of sex really is ... if I shove my love pole up yer ass and it feels like you gonna have the runs for 6 weeks then I am completely understanding of why you would say you dont enjoy sex ... on the flip side if I go down on you and you smell like that fish and chip shop on Fish Hoek main road ... well yea im probably not gonna enjoy the experience (ymmv cause personally I love a woman's smell - such a turn on) ...

14. Have you ever had sex with?

Maybe its just me but either Cape Town was offline when they initiated this survey or homosexuals in SA are just too camp to come out of the proverbial closet ... only 5% of the guys have been with both men/women or men alone ... I spose both genders have their 'experimental phases' ... just that guys probably experiment once and never go back whilst women ... well women ... you guys take pictures and we pay lots of money to download them online ;) ...

I think the low response from the women is cause maybe they dont quite know how to respond to this ... maybe the strap-on sale was over already and they equate penetration to sex ? the next question seems to validate this cause a load more women seem to have had foreplay than sex with women ... so I am sure the line defining foreplay vs sex is rather gray when it comes to women ...

15. Have you had sexual foreplay with?

Spose the question here is more so around giving and recieving ... with a 'definition' of sex you would assume that this implies both are getting some ... but with foreplay you could really take either role ... so it is highly possible the male respondents figure that 'Well if the shemale sucked me off in Taiwan then can I answer both men and women, I mean I didnt know till she took off her pants and had a bigger dick than me, I swear !!' ... wots surprising here is that I honestly would have believed more women would be bi-curious ... dont you people go to college/university ??

16. Does your sex drive change all the time, or is it pretty constant?

This one is pretty self explanitory most guys are either horny ... or super horny ... dont think it happens too often where a guy doesnt wanna get laid ... yea yea there are times when he will struggle to get it up but damn woman that dont mean he doesnt wanna get laid ... it just means he is maybe stressed cause the Blue Bulls didnt win their last match ...

Women on the other hand go through so many phases in a few minutes let alone an entire month so basically its a hit n miss situation ... sometimes you get laid ... sometimes you dont ... just remember guys a little bit of cuddling and doing the dishes goes a loooong way to getting you to have a more active sex life ;)

Men are like microwaves, women are like an oven, you have to warm the oven up before you can cook in it. ;)

17. (Male) Have you ever had unprotected sex with a partner you weren't in a relationship with?
OMG this is so insane ... in a country like SA where HIV/Aids is such a huge problem and you guys dont remember to use protection ... dont be a fool, wrap your tool !!

17. (Female) How often do you fake an orgasm?

WTF ... how is it that men dont get asked this question ... is it only women who fake it ... man this just shows the ineptitude of our country when they still think that ejaculation = orgasm ... fuck that ... guys once you have had a REAL orgasm you will fucking know when you aint having one ... hate to throw so much FUD to the women out there but I can gaurantee you that at least one of your male partners has 'faked it' just so that he can get his lame-o ass off you and get back to the rugby game ...

Now women ... you are being so fucking stupid by doing this ... sex should be enjoyable for both of you ... if you aint enjoying it and you have to fake it then why the fuck you bothering at all ... believe me when you learn to 'connect' with your partner you will both be having so many mind blowing orgasms that even the thought of faking will seem silly to you too ...

Get over yourselves women ... we (typically) wanna please you as well as you please us ... so therefore give us a fucking helping hand (a fist if you a tad loose down there) ... talk to us ... share what you like even if its a position that we can only hold for all of 6 seconds before our bodies scream out in pleasurable pain ... its all worth it ...

Its no wonder assholes like mentioned by wonderfullyconfused exist ... its all you bloody fakers out there who are creating a damn monster who thinks he is a Don Juan/Casanova wannabe who can please a woman just by pitching up (pun intended).

18. (Male) Have you ever had anal sex?

This is a confusing one ... according to the stats there are around 5% of males who have either been with a 'Men only' or 'Both Women/Men' ... so how they fuck do we get to over 6% of the male population who has RECIEVED anal sex ?? Like WTF are you people lying in your answers or you just dont wanna discuss that 'one weekend you spent in the county lockup' ...

What does surprise me is the 30% of men who seem to be against this ... arent you curious at all ... or maybe you too shy to go buy some lubricant from your local sex shop ... remember KY is available at your local chemist and is used in many other situations other than just anal (though the woman at the counter will definitely know by your boyish grin EXACTLY what you intend it for hehehe)

18. (Female) Have you ever had unprotected sex with a partner you weren't in a relationship with?

Seems women have their heads screwed on a bit tighter than men ... I do have an opinion of why which is that for women its not just VDs they have to worry about but also pregnancy which really (no matter how much he says he will stick by you) becomes her problem a LOT more than the guys ... now if more guys were into anal we could easily assist you here by just shoving it up yer ass rather than having you risk getting pregnant ... VDs will still persist but anal does tend to require a lot more comfort so hopefully you will have gotten his full name this time (at least) ;)

19. (Male) How do you feel about giving oral sex?

This suprised me ... there seems to be a lot of men out there who just loooove munching on that rug ... well guys Im in total agreement here ... you can fuck a woman and she will come back for more ... give her incredible head and she is yours forever !! ;)

19. (Female) Have you ever had anal sex?

Mmmm ... this is where my confusion sets in ... cause according to these numbers 35% of women are getting it up the batty ... yet according to the men only 25% are giving it up the batty ... so where the fuck is the other 10% coming from ladies ... or you and your dildo collection getting REAL chummy ;)

I swear the more I look at these numbers the more im starting to think the collection of morons who responded are a combination of overunderanalsexedassholebitches with no fucking clue how their previous answers are influenced by the rest of the answers ...

20. (Male - Oral) And when you're on the receiving end?

10% of the male population doesnt like getting head ?? WTF ... they even had that as an option ?? Guys ... cum now ... either u just havent recieved a decent blow job or you dont realize that a little trimming goes a loooong way to getting more (and decent) head ... it even makes your twanger look a bit bigger so its all good ... just think how "attractive" it is when she comes up after sucking you love pole only to grin at you with a short n curly sticking out of her recently whitened teeth ... so keep the garden in order and she will come ride your swing far more often ...
20. (Female) How do you feel about giving oral sex?

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies ... so you will let us shove it up your ass ... put it in that pleasurable place between your legs ... but you wont get on yer knees and suck that puppy dry ?? Whilst Ill discuss the rest of the questions in more detail I must mention that how is it fair for you to respond a healthy 55% to getting some dig dug downstairs action but only 30% of you believe its good to give AND recieve ... obviously not knowing the direct relation to these responses it is highly possible that 30% of you are kewl with giving and a completely seperate 55% of you just want your oyster of luvvin licked till you explode with ecstasy ... how the fuck is that fair ...

Damn ladies Im getting rather disappointed with your responses overall ... you all sound a bit prudish in some circumstances but right fucking hoes in others ... put it up yer ass, dont put it up yer ass, lick you, suck me, fuck me outside, or inside, or in view of the next door neighbours dog ... you guys re just so damn difficult ... men ... we just want u to pitch up ... preferrably naked ... a bonus is when you wearing summing kinky like that school girl outfit we bought so we can live out our loss of not getting laid at school ... damn ... sex just sounds difficult when its in survey form ;)

till later

Health24 Sex Survey Review - Q1-10

So Health24 has released their Sex Survey ... now being the male that I am I can almost guarantee that almost all of the male respondents were sent the questions by their girlfriends/wives etc cause I highly doubt Health24 has a major male readership (unless its those semigay dudes who buy Men's Health claiming to 'read the articles' when all they are really interested in is the multitude of male underwear models throughout the pages - it should be called Men Who Like Buff Men's Health) ...

Anyhow, upon reading the responses I have some interesting points to discuss ...

1. How important is sex in your life?

Both men and women appear to have similar views on this ... they both feel it is 'Very' important ... which it should be cause well if the motion in the ocean aint rocking your boat then you may as well take up a new hobby ... like knitting or counting the tiles in your bathroom ...

Where I am a bit confused is on the male answers 'Not at All' and 'Other' ... not at all ?? who the fuck you trying to kid ? must be some of the respondents who thought that when they gave their email address to recieve the results that they were being monitored by their SOs through some women's underground sex survey check ... trying to be all sensitive n shit thinking that by responding to this some unsuspecting woman is gonna read it and think OMG he is so sensitive and not interested in 'just sex' ... i so have to fuck him senseless and give him my virginity (for the 9th time) cause I just know he is 'the one' ...

And 'Other' ?? WTF ?? how do you answer other to a question like this ... its kind of a variation on the yes/no structure with varying levels of intensity ... other ?? ... like what ... its only important in certain circumstances like when you paid the bitch and want your monies worth ?? fuck man get a clue ... then again maybe these guys just dont understand the concept of yes vs no ... in which case ladies stay the fuck away from them ...

2. What feature of a person most affects whether they turn you on?

Well it seems my fat ass is never gonna get laid in SA ... cause it appears that whether its a man or a woman if I dont have the body I aint gonna be getting me some ... then again they dont really go into much detail about what 'Body' covers ... so like maybe a large number of respondents are into fat asses in which case Im ahead of the game ...

What really confuses me is just how fucking dumb are the women in our country which when given the option between 'None of the above' and 'Other' cant seem to figure out that these are THE SAME FUCKING ANSWER !!!

3. Have you ever fallen in love?

More of these sensitive guys thinking they gonna get laid by 'opening up' ... what they really need is a question 'Do you know the difference between lust, love and just feeling horny ?' ... fuck ... enough booze and any man will love u loooong time ... or at least till the morning when he wakes up and discovers that he may have gone home with the wrong woman but who the fuck cares cause HE GOT LAID !!!

4. What feature of a person most affects whether you might fall in love with them?

Apparently 'Personality' ... well people if 'Body' turns you on and 'Personality' makes them a permanent feature ... then are u fucked if you love them but arent turned on by them ? Or do you just 'take one for the team' till you find someone who possibly turns you on but doesnt really have much in the way of personality ...

I know of a saying regarding women ... A woman can have a great personality, a gorgeous appearance, and is completely sane of mind ... pick 2 cause the third will always be the opposite ... ymmv (btw for all the bitches out there - this also applies to men - and I mean bitches in that way that rap singers use it to describe scantily clad women dancing all the time - so its a friendly term) ;)

5. How frequently do you fantasise about sex?

OMG it appears that the majority of SA is waaaaay too undersexed ... either that or we just have the horniest nation in the country ... fuck I know what they need to do for the next elections ... free oral sex for just showing up cause THEN we will get some real numbers voting as opposed to the majority which appears to include a load of homeless people who get out of the rain/cold for 20 minutes with their ballot paper ...

I fantasise about sex ... um ... every 17 seconds ... even more when I am involving my sexually inspired babe in the discussions (about every 3 seconds then) ... she is like nitrous giving me that extra boost ... 0 to Horny in 3 seconds flat ...

I know I am not undersexed ... im just horny (the politically correct term would be 'in touch with my inner need to practice procreation') ... then again I have been in Nigeria now for almost 7 weeks ... so believe me ... 7 weeks of blue balls and I think they gonna fall off soon ...

6. Do you believe the best sex happens with someone you love?

An amazing number of people think yes ... this is BULLSHIT ... the best sex happens with someone you are COMFORTABLE with ... albeit this is very likely only ever going to be someone you are in love with (and thus someone that you can take a dump in front of knowing that they find it 'cute') ... of course this can also be experienced between plutonic 'best friends' who love each other but are not necessarily 'in love' with each other ... thus allowing for a level of comfort not typically experienced in those one night stand situations ...

I think for most guys not experienced in the tantric ways ... they pretty much figure that as long as they getting laid then the sex is good ... or worse still the better they think they did the better the sex is ... or maybe its based on if they got head before (or even after) they had deposited their load into the crevice they percieve to be 'in love with' ...

Being that the previous answers seem to indicate that you have to have a hot 'Body' in order to be turned on, but you need to have a great 'Personality' in order to fall in love ... this seems to indicate that the majority of respondents get turned on by people who give them shitty sex ??

ie: if the best sex is with a great 'Personality' then why the fuck doesnt this turn you on ?? cause u know the sex is gonna be better ??

7. Have you ever used illegal drugs to enhance your sexual experience?

*cough cough* ... seems that there are a LOT of liars out there ... cause I am certain that in a country like SA where the weed truly does grow in your backyard that it is impossible to find someone who hasnt used even just this to enhance the experience ... maybe there is some confusion as to the word 'illegal' ... maybe they thought it meant drugs you can actually be busted for and not share with your local corrupt government official ?

Or possibly many of the respondents have used drugs to enhance the experience but just got so damn wasted they cant remember if they actually hand an experience at all ... yes guys/girls out there while u were passed out you gave her/him the best sex EVER and he/she tells all her friends about how incredible it was ... but hey as pointed out in some movie I forget right now ... if you were too wasted to remember it ... it never really happened ...

8. Do you masturbate?

Liars the whole lot of you ... in a country where you can find a sex shop within throwing distance of a midget you can gaurantee that these places are not being kept open by their DVD sales/rentals ... especially not with the abundance of pr0n being hawked on every street corner along with the latest Pixar or Disney epic (yea yea you were buying the kids movies and the street seller just "threw" the pr0n in for free) ... these places are stocked with the widest variety of dildos known to wooah man ... you see all those people in Cresta with the inconspicuous brown bags mixed in with the monthly groceries ... ladies and gentlemen thats a fucking DILDO in there ... big ones ... small ones ... ones shaped like a duck ... fat ones ... thin ones ... ones that even go quack ...

And guys ... the 5 finger shuffle may be all you need ... therefore I know for a fact that every guy has given himself a little tug on the odd occasion when you just feel like taking care of yourself ... nothing against women ... you aint gay or nothing ... you just wanna bond with yourself ... its okay guys ... this is NORMAL ... even promoted in some of those 'when I grow up Im gonna have a penis' books you were forced to read when you started to notice the emergence of breasts existing on more people than just your mom ...

9. Have you ever had sex?

How the fuck do you answer a sex survey if you havent ?? What kind of a question is this ... this should be question 1 not 9 ... and then if you answer no all it says thereafter is 'Do you mastubate?' ... cause fuck man if you answer no to having had sex and no to masturbating then how the fuck did you find this link anyhow ? Go away persons ... you are answering the wrong survey ... the 'Am I obsessed with Oprah' survey is neeexxxt week ...

10. Do you wish it had been different the first time you had sex?

Guys seem pretty even on this one ... tho thats a difficult one to answer cause really with any 'sport' you only get better with practice ... so what that you slipped and were fucking her up the ass for the first 7 seconds ... it dont matter cause u only lasted another 5 anyhow before you accidentally slipped out and came all over her bedsheets (im sure she was pleased with that) ... Ill bet you even basked in the afterglow thinking you were 'The Man' whilst she lay there thinking 'is this what its ALWAYS gonna be like ?' ... if by chance your first time was with the local bicycle Im sure you were already a tad confused when after giving you head she gargled and then burped out the alphabet to show off her wikked skillz ... im sure that when you met your next girlfriend and were faced with the same circumstance she was equally confused when it appeared to her that you had been educated in a pr0n movie ... ymmv

Women on the other hand ... I feel for you really I do ... I mean think about it ... suddenly out of the blue you get what used to prod you in the small of your back inserted into a hole which really shouldnt be stretched as much till your first child ... if its both your first time then he probably thought the extent of foreplay was telling you how beautiful you are and possibly lying to you about how much he loved you just so that he could get laid ... luckily for those in this situation he probably only lasted a few seconds so even though it hurt and even tho you felt pretty much no pleasure at all it was over in under 12 seconds or less ... of course being the beginner he is the simple sight of any blood probably sent him packing for fear that he 'broke it' ... for those with a more experienced partner I am sure that the intital pain ... became never ending pain ... till it became pleasurable (hopefully) ... if he was at least a reasonably giving lover he would have exchanged the 'words of love' for some decent cunning linguist action ... going down and digging for diamonds till you had enough moisture to fill a bath tub ... by the time he would have entered you the pleasure already experienced would simply be heightened and the relaxation of your muscles would have allowed a small submarine to pass through unnoticed ... you probably wouldnt notice just how long he lasted just that it was 'big and long' ... probably not quite sure on if you are referring to his member or the time taken ... great nookie has a tendancy to cause brain cells to switch off cause of lack of recent blood supply ...

Anyhow ... Ill carry on with the rest of the survey questions later in a second post ... im horny as fuck now from all this talk of sex, nookie and fucking ... god I cant wait to go home ... only a few days left to go ;)

Physically fixing a mental problem ?

Okay, so my brother Craig has recently experienced some changes based on going to see a chiro who claims his arch in his back was touching a nerve which in turn was causing mental stability changes such as paranoia/anxiety ... which in turn caused a tear in the space/time continuum of Craig's left ball sack ...

Now Craig (if you reading this) dont read further unless you are willing to consider that I may instill some doubt in your existing findings ...

Basically the premise is that an event from the past in turn caused pressure to be put on a specific nerve which in turn caused differences in his personality ... now in this case he has investigated several different options in the past, both medicative (anti-anxiety drugs) and expressive (talking to a psycologist), with very limited results ...

Which brings me to my theory ... is it not possible that in all cases it was not the treatment at fault but rather the intepretation of the results of said treatment which caused a different viewpoint to be expressed ... so take for example the medication ... all it did was make him feel more out of place and uncomfortable with himself ... with common side effects such as nausea and stomach cramps ... feeling uncomfortable to go out into large crowds and so on (typically the first 2 weeks to month of any anti-psychotic causes these sorts of side effects) ... then of course was the psychologist who really just spoke to him and helped him to find answers to his own questions (ironic that a profession exists where you pay someone to help you find the answers you already know - shouldnt a friend be able to serve that purpose for free ?) ...

He even went for various brain scans and medical check ups to determine if the problem was a latent one not noticable through normal 'over the counter' investigations ...

Then of course he went to a chiro ... who snapped his back into shape ... convinced him that this was why he was suffering these symptoms and in turn sent him home feeling like a million bucks ... however ... my theory rests on the fact that this was a physical resolution to a mental issue ... lemme explain this a bit further ...

In all other cases he either felt worse, or was sent home with more questions than when he arrived ... yet with the case of the chiro he went home feeling overall better ... his back/neck/etc had been straightened out and now he felt better physically and because the doctor had said this was the cause for the rest of his emotional issues he also felt like they had been resolved ...

Well now relate this to real life ... say I tell you gimme R1000 and I am going to give you this physical object which can make coffee ... we shall call this the coffee machine (well cause it is) and it will make the worlds best coffee ... on the other hand I say give me R1000 and I will teach you how to make the worlds best coffee ... however in order to teach you it will take 2 months of dedication and time during which you only learn the ultimate coffee making secret in the last day ...

Now tell me which you would take ... the difference being a combination of instant gratification and physical representation ... on the one hand you can feel the machine and have that awesome coffee right away ... in the other you have to put your trust in me that I actually know what I am talking about and that you will have the capability of learning from me well enough to make that awesome coffee ...

So relating this to Craig's situation ... he went to multiple doctors in order to have his problem solved ... finally arriving at one who was able to give him both instant gratification as well as the physical merits of feeling 'better' because his bones had been pushed around into the definition of what is correct ... if the doctor threw in the fact that this will fix his anxiety issues and he goes home believing this then in actual fact is it not trust and belief at work ... many other doctors were convinced they could solve his problem ... however it was not the doctors at fault but rather Craig's belief in their resolution that was flawed ... he never wanted to take meds ... he never wanted to share his feelings with some unknown individual who he would only have grown to trust once they had proven themselves to him (impossible if he wouldnt believe them to begin with) ...

Then along comes someone he does want to believe ... his own attitude towards yoga and various other elements relating to physical recreation and the positive mental effects already prove that he is more open minded towards solutions such as this ... thus all that was required was for a seed to be planted (by the chiro) and in turn his mental state changes not because there has been an actual change but rather because his belief in that change is influencing his inner view of himself ... all this is positive of course ... but discounting the original doctor(s) advice and involvement does not make their resolution any less important ...

It wasnt the doctors who were wrong ... but that they were the wrong doctors for Craig ...

With mental issues I always have believed that the true 'cure' exists in your own mental representation of yourself ... only you have the power to see yourself in the way you should ... maybe a trigger may cause a difference of view ... but dont negate the fact that the follow through is wholly personal ...

Social Networking vs Blogging

So me and the gf were having a discussion about the differences between these two, she thinks I have double standards because I am dead set against social networking whilst having my own blog. Now I agree with her on some points but I dont on others.

I am going to use Facebook/MySpace as my example because quite simply I cant stand them and it annoys me how so many people are so damn passionate about something which is generally a complete waste of time ...

Facebook/MySpace promotes a massively multiplayer popularity contest, its like school on steroids with a layer of XML and Ajax thrown in for flavour ... you are ranked according to how many friends you have ... you are given loads of tools specifically designed for you to express just how much of a tosser you are ... streaming your dumbass stunts from youtube ... delivering pictures of your holiday to whothefuckcaresville ... all while streaming your lame attempts at making music on your pee cee ... fuck man ... one of the most popular widgets is to 'throw a sheep' at another person ... like wtf are these people smoking ... and where do i buy some ?

Why the fuck dont they have the "I may have given you VD" widget ... which allows you to specify who in your group you have slept with and thus allow you to inform them (and their many partners) that you may have passed some unpronouncable disease which you cant remember where you got it from ...

Now that Ladies and Gentlemen is a widget worth developing ... throw a fucking sheep at that biatch !!

Then of course is the example of 'catching up with old friends' ... while this may be true my question is why the fuck didnt these people 'catch up' with me when I left my small little town ... where the fuck were they when I needed someone to talk to or share my fears of this great big open world ... and why now do I let them into my life just because technology allows it (ive had email for over 10 years - why only now??) ... just cause they can find me easier it means they should be allowed back into my circle ?

Then of course there are the people who wouldnt give you the fucking time at school but now message you with 'its been so long' ... so long since when ? since you last threw an insult my way ? or last forgot to greet me cause I simply wasnt 'kewl enough' ... fuck all of you ... none of you wanted my time when I was directly in front of you so why do you deserve it now ?

Facebook promotes the sharing of information ... WHAT !?! By allowing people to create segmented groups based on taste and 'whats in right now' and then expecting you to subscribe to them ? Isnt that the same as those 'clicks' experienced in a school going environment ... when I was at school I had 3 of these ... they were:

The nerds/geeks in the library all playing Magic the Gathering and discussing the latest fantasy series which has just had a new volume release (when the fuck will Wheel of Time actually end??) ... swapping stiffies (disks ... man ... disks) with the latest monographic game that you cant wait to get home to try, only to find it doesnt run ...
The 'semi cool' crowd who gathered outside to discuss the merits of Live vs Smashing Pumpkins or {insert band of the week here} ... each with an independent view but eventually just agreeing with the majority out of fear of being kicked out of the group ...
And the crowd you bump into whilst waiting in line at the tuck shop (tho typically these were just 'acquaintances') ... who you actually wanna get to know a little better cause they seem really interesting but that you know will only speak to you in this circumstance because they are away from the herd they call friends and are finally allowed to have an individual view ... which in the group politics will mean they wont think twice about shoving you in the closest dustbin ...

Why exactly should I segment myself in an environment where I have the flexibility to go where I want ... read what I want ... share the opinion that I want ...

Which brings me to blogging ... with a blog my aim isnt to gather a readership of 200+ or implement stupid widgets that allow people to throw shit at me for no apparent reason ... if I have a video of relevance I can post it ... but its mine ... I choose to do this not for the benefit of others but rather for the benefit of myself ... this is my platform to bitch and moan about the things I want ... when I want and how I want ... if people comment I can read it ... I can ignore it ... I can respond or not ... I dont care if they never come back cause I wont be constantly notified of this through an email indicating that a 'friend has left my network' ...

Think about it in a real world sense ... does anyone truly have 200+ REAL friends ... people you can truly rely on and who you know love u for just you ... I would rather count these people on one hand than be able to state that I have a network of friends I collect ONLINE of all places ... people in differing states (physically and in mind) who I may never meet and who are considered a friend because of our common liking of some arb band whose music touched us in some or the other way ... maybe its just me but the thought of sharing the experience of listening to this band through the both of you streaming it at the same time just doesnt sound like the same thing as sitting in a smokey room talking shit while the band plays on the stereo in the background ...

I do agree that in both cases we are exposing elements of ourselves to an online world ... but I do think the goals are what differ ... if I only ever read this blog myself (and my beautiful regular reader reads it too - love u babe) then I am happy ... but if my goal is to build up as many friends as I can in order to be considered 'complete' then I totally against it.

With blogging I can hide behind a psuedonym and still talk shit without necessary consequence, yet with social networking my friends will not know who I am unless I expose as much about me as possible (including where I went to school and what my favourite food is etc) ... even if I choose to hide my profile to only those I allow I appear to defeat the purpose defined in growing your circle as fast as possible (isnt this unsocialble networking ?) ...

I dunno ... I agree but I also dont agree ... I like being a private person so understand why she thinks its a double standard ... but I do believe its not the technolgy to be compared but rather the intentions behind supporting said technology ... socialized networking is to blogging the same thing in essense ... each influences and uses the technology of the other ... but in my opinion my intentions for blogging are personal ... if I ever had intentions to join a Facebook/MySpace I spose my intentions would instead be to grow my network much like I have done on LinkedIn (a social network concept - however having true value for enhancing your working relationships) ...

Your milage may (and probably does) vary ... the choice however is always your to take ...

Opinionated ... i think so ...

This is in response to my brothers rather interesting post 'Virtual Stupidity' ...

Now I have been around a good few many more years than he and I do believe my response on this matter gathers some moss (at least some ;) ) ... but basically there are a few things I have learned about the internet and they can be summarized as follows:

1) You cant offend some people some of the time, but you can offend the majority pretty much all the time ...

The internet opens up the ability for people to do things (and here comes the key word) ANONYMOUSLY ... this means that in every situation there is always someone with an asshole opinion who will wax lyrical about it on some or the other message board/poll/blog ... hell even I am directly involved in this simply by posting my opinion here on this blog ... the reality is that people have opinions and this wonderful platform which gave us granny pr0n, funky new version based lingo (Web 2.0) and chicks selling their virginity to raise money for breast implants ... also pretty much gives to any moron with a dial up, the ability to bitch and moan about things they dont like about themselves, their life, their country, other peoples countries/cultures, books, games, movies, etc ...

Quite simply its a war out there ... the weapons are words and every person comes with their own personal bunker (otherwise known as an avatar, nick or screen name) to hide behind ... anyone can be an assassin (who registers, posts an anal one liner then never reappears) ... or a terrorist (who spreads his explosives of propaganda regarding the failings of his mother country) ... the medic (who comes to the rescue of a poster burned by the flames of others) ... or even just a loyal fighter at the forefront of the battlefield defending his country, king and glory (and just responding to everything they can to simply be controversial - thus keep the war effort alive) ...

2) People like people who like and agree with what they like and agree with ... the choice however is up to you to associate with these people ...

Online you can go to a site .... read it ... and then leave it ... never to go back again ... taking the time and effort to REGISTER and then submit several responses to someone who quite clearly is not going to view things differently no matter how much you try ... is like trying to explain the colour blue to a blind man ... its not that they dont want to hear what you have to say ... but rather that they cannot see what it is you are trying to define ...

South Africa is filled with people with an attitude like this individual ... however you dont remember a time when you had but 4 black students in your school, who were all paraded in front of the assembly and introduced as the schools effort towards cultural integration ... you dont remember a time when beaches were for whites only or the job market wasnt populated with advertisements for AA or BEE positions ... to put it simply ... you dont know what it was like to be a white South African in the apartheid era with all its supposed benefits ... or to be a black South African in the same circumstance carrying a book to defend your identity ...

Your view (whilst certainly more positive) is biased towards an integrated cultural nation ... a multicoloured country with many diverse backgrounds and languages ... this is still in its infancy ...

3) The internet isnt real ...

Think about it ... when joesamamasboy posts a comment on your site ... just who is this person ... does their opinion really matter ... in a real life sense do you truly think they would be someone you would make friends with ... or even consider being in the same room with ... why is it then that what they have to say matters so much to you ... whether they have something positive to say or not it truly doesnt matter cause these people are but names on a screen and not truly real in the grand scheme of things ... they are but players in a virtual life online which exists between the hours of 9 and 5 when they typically have access from work ... facebook is a farce which encourages integration by creating individual groups you can join (very often by permission only) and measuring your performance by the number of friends you have 'connected' ... is it just me or does this not sound like an advanced version of a popularity contest ?

15 minutes of fame should more correctly be defined as 15 million hits of fame in this day and age ...

4) Not everyone is going to agree with you ... even on your own blog ...

Deal with it ... thats why you allow people to post comments ... so that they too can throw in their own little bit of bullshit into the mix ... its not what is said in life that matters but rather how you react and respond to it ... learn to let it go cause quite honestly ... these people wherever they are and whomever they are can be avoided ... they are but a mouse click away but also not in your direct vicinity (ie: avoidable) ... technology has given new meaning to 'giving someone the silent treatment' as now with one simply click you can block them from ever speaking to you again ...

The internet can bring people together ... but at the same time it can allow you to get as far away from someone as you possibly want ... go to the next blog on the list regardless of what their ranking is ... remember ranking is based on hits ... not content ... so if I spew enough bullshit that 1 million people come to read it doesnt make my bullshit any better than the next guy's, who only gets 300 hits a day ... its all just a product of marketing (and yea making your blog look like a school sachel bag stacked full of pins and badges does tend to have the effect of increasing your hit count exponentially) ...

Game of the day is: Just how many hit counters can be registered to before my site takes so long to load while all the animated gifs chew up usable bandwidth ...

5) Learn to live with the things you have said ...

People change ... they grow older they change their views ... they meet new people and they experience life in different ways ... they may experience an event which may change their life in huge ways ...

Say for example this same individual is hijacked (such a common occurance in SA) ... and gets dumped in some township somewhere ... he needs help to get home safely and goes to the nearest house ... at this house is a one of the individuals he has expressed such hate towards ... yet this person helps him out and possibly assists in saving his life ... this alone could change his opinion and even if he did regret his comments of the past it is highly likely that these comments become enbedded in time (Google Cache or Wayback Machine anyone?) ... forever there to remind and taunt him of his immature ways ... not every site allows you to take back what you had to say ... even lesser so those sites of which you have no control ...

Anyhow ... whilst I think the sites mentioned and the things said are certainly not acceptable in this day and age ... I still hark back to my suggestion ... if you want to make a difference try to change those things of which you have some level of influence/control ... your friends, family, colleagues etc ... let go of everything else because in life you only have so many seconds and do you really wanna waste them on people or ideals which may never change and of which you were never the cause or the solution ...

Inspire change rather than fight for it ... fighting only brings you down to the same level ...

Just my opinion ... read it ... dont read it ... come again ... delete me from your favourites ... your choice ...

Choice: Probably the greatest thing the internet has brought us ...

Just how dodge are 'Cycling Shorts' (spandex)

So this morning the topic of what can be worn when cycling came up ... now I'm new to this as I really wanna take up cycling more as an getting out and enjoyment aspect than become some hardcore cyclist who buys every accessory in the store (like those heart rate monitors combined with GPS meters measuring your height above sea level etc) ... the exercise benefits are also worthwhile ...

So anyhow I was discussing with my gf the fact that I really did like the late 80s/early 90s style of women wearing cycling shorts (in just about any situation) ... and that she should get a pair for herself for when we go cycling ... anyhow she suggested that if I wanna see her in a pair I too must wear a pair ... so of course my initial thought was ... well why ?

So after a quick google for 'why do cyclists wear spandex shorts', I came across a number of rather strange but interesting links (it seems there are far more men who ponder this question than I previously would have believed) ... anyhow of these links some showed some interest to me ... in particular Cycling Shorts - A Primer and Special Clothes for Riding (more of a rant about cyclist expectations) ... of the few sites I found detailing men's concerns with wearing spandex it would appear that many men seem rather concerned about showing off their 'package' whilst many women appear to be more concerned with having to see 'the package' ...



What I find interesting is that when a woman wears things like this and exposes her 'package' guys go frigging wild at the appearance of 'camel toe' (as can be evidenced by the most likely situation whereby my number of visitors will skyrocket based purely on the appearance of this picture and the applicable label assigned to this post ...

So ...

while [ Spandex == Worn]
do ManlyBits == Happy
done

This exists in men's minds because of the huge amount of value they potentially can acquire out of these shorts being worn by woman who have the unfortunate (well unfortunate for those who dont see it) reality that they are exposing a rather interesting part of their anatomy to the entire world ... I spose now I get a far better understanding of why so many guys go to gym ... its to be on the lookout for ample amounts of this interesting phenomenon in the wild ... suddenly cycling is sounding like its gonna be more fun than what I originally envisioned ;)

Damn babe ... I am soooo amped to go cycling now ;)

Now thinking about this from a womans persepctive and the chances are she will get the most unfortunate discovery of the latter version of this in the male form ... what I like to call 'boerboel snout' (I have included an example image to the left) ... this being the more unusual phenomenon whereby she is presented with a bulge that resembles the snout of a boerboel with its 2 sagging baggy lips swishing from side to side ... and depending on his levels of control he may even have a little bit of drool dripping from the end (dont ask how the ears fit in - some people maybe have wings ??) ...

This ladies and gentlemen ... is not a pretty sight ...

However ... this is apparently not the case ... in fact according to most sites the chamois protective area in the shorts means that all that should be apparent is a bulge ... now I dont know about u but my first impression is that I dont really wanna be walking around flashing my nibbly bits for the entire world to see ... but then again if this chamois ends up making me look like I could compete with good old John Holmes then by all means Im for it ...

Anyhow ... I figure Ill go out and buy a pair (even just to see the gf in a pair too) and will (depending on confidence factor) post a few pics of what it does for my lower anatomy ... still tho I think I will be wearing some baggy shorts over this when I go cycling ... for the protection of myself (from embarrassment) and the protection of others (shit wot if I poke someone's eye out man) ...

Spandex - helping fat people to look .... well fat ... since 1959 !!

Advanced Blogging 201-xyz-dv8

Okay ... so me brother (the hoe that he is) has not only introduced me the the wonderful world of blogging but has also decided to inform me about these wonderful things called "Blogospheres" which is basically another site which collates many blog feeds and displays them to lucky viewers who visit the central site ... they obviously have advertising and gain massive amounts of views to their site through the relinking of other peoples sites into their own and on to others (can anyone see a $$$ trend here) ...

so anyhow if someone were to find my site in the following process ... they go to my brothers site (where adsense is displayed) then go along to the blogosphere aggregater (where more ads are displayed) and then come to my site (where ads will potentially be displayed) ... they have basically touched several hundreds of systems without even knowing it and along the way made a bunch of people some dosh ($$$) ...

Now before your eyes go all big and u start to look forward to your millions made in advertising consider the fact that should you get paid the 0.0000000000000000001 american cents per view, you very likely will reach your obligatory minimum of $25 (most places expect a minimum before you can withdraw) in about 3000 years (esp if like me you have so far - dun da da daaaaah - 2 viewers) ... however I thought about this and related it to another example from the movie Office Space, where they follow a similar structure but related it to taking a few cents from every financial transaction (the remainders from rounding down) and dumping it into a single account ...

Now take a corporation like Google ... they probably have 99% of their Adsense users under the $25 minimum ... so they take these funds and they bill the customer for their ad views but hold onto the cash and earn the interest whilst a few new people eventually bypass the $25 minimum and make a withdrawl (ironically resetting the clock anyhow) ... so even if they are paying these users their funds once they reach the expected amount they are earning millions in interest alone ... and depending on how they invest the money they are probably getting interest rates as high as 20-25% ...

Thinking about this in a real world sense an advertising agency can basically sell their advertising AND pay their advertisers (those with sites etc) the full amount paid and basically live off the interest ... now that in my opinion is a true killer for the Googles of this world (that is if they havent tapped onto this already ;) ) ... mainly because you are not selling advertising, but rather access to your advertising platform for which you pay it off via interest earned and not out of selling advertising ...

Interesting ? Conspiracy ? Just a load of bollocks ?

Well thats wot the comments are for ... so give me some feedback and help me to believe I have exceeded the 2 person limit on my blog. ;)

Paranoia

Okay ... so I know im a bit of a paranoid android at times ... this can be both a good thing and a bad thing ... sometimes being a little scheptical of situations can assist you to be cautious and make the right decision ... but other times that same schepticism can destroy something you have fought so hard to build ...

Such was my situation yesterday ...

It all started (in my mind) from watching a scene in Summer of Sam which was on DSTV late on Saturday night (I had never watched the movie before so was interested to see what it was about) - firstly my opinion on this movie is that whilst it deals with a killer in 1977, the real story seems to revolve around the crashing between Punk Rock and Disco around the same time as well as the interactions between characters who were childhood friends yet through the distinct changes in their later youth they discovered differing passions which would change how they were able to interact and the opinions of people who in the past would have defended them wholeheartedly (the expression 'take a bullet for him' comes to mind) ...

So basically the scene involves Mira Sorvino who plays Dionna and John Leguizamo playing Vinny who are recently married couple with several issues in their sex life which have led to Vinny cheating on his wife on a regular basis because he cannot see his wife doing certain acts with him (like putting it up her batty ;) ) ... anyhow the interesting thing about this scene is the way I felt when it happened ... the scene plays out as follows:

Vinny and Dianna go to Studio 54 where they attempt to get in, being the popular place it is they get turned away by the bouncer and whilst they are fighting with him another guy with a camera comes out from inside and sees the 2 of them all dressed to the nines (as was expected of S54 in those days) ... he takes their picture and then urges them to come with him ... the then transition to a scene where they arrive at this guys house in a limo where they all get out and are holding champagne glasses ... the scene then transitions to them being inside and passing an ashtray to each other ... Vinny sits with his hand on some anonymous womans leg and Dionna appears to eye this out ... Vinny then asks her if she wants to stay and she replies that she does if he wants to and then he says he will if she wants and she says she does so they will stay ...

Then suddenly the scene changes to the two of them driving in her car (Vinny is driving) and they are both staring straight ahead and then he asks her if they are not gonna say anything to which she replies that she has nothing to say ... he then turns to her and says 'so did he fuck you better than I do' (upon hearing this i took a double take cause i thought maybe i missed something) ... she then replies that it was either the coke or the pills and she only did it to make him happy ... he then replies 'so did u cum just to make me happy' ... they then procede to have a huge fight where he calls her a whore and a slut and so on ... its at this point she brings up the fact that she knows he has been cheating on her and that he had cheated with her own cousin ...

Anyhow ... this entire scene as played out in the movie really bugged me and more than anything it is the exceptional direction of Spike Lee and the writers to blame ... by not showing exactly what happened you are left only up to the imagination to figure it out but basic elements are given as to what exactly occurred ... I spose more than anything it was the thought that on one hand a woman loved her husband so much she did this 'to make him happy' and on the other is the double standard of it in that through the entire film u know Vinny as the one who cheats and messes around and wont do certain things with his wife because of her role (this has a terrible effect on her in that she never feels like she is good enough or pleases him) ... so you already know that she is simply interested in pleasing her husband even if that means she has to be with another man in order to validate his being with another woman ...

Look this was the 70s and things back then were reasonably different (key/lock parties etc) ... so yea it isnt something I am faced with every day but it got me thinking about just how far someone will go for love and affection ... and the thing is I know of another situation in my life where a similar thing happened with some old friends of my past ... I didnt know the integral details but I did know that an ex of a friend of mine befriended his new girlfriend (the one he moved to after her) and ended up spending all her time with them 'as a friend' even going so far as to date and sleep with another of his friends just to stay close to him ... from an outsiders point of view I felt so sorry for her and wished there was something I could do or say to make her see that she was doing nothing but hurting herself ... I connected with her feelings because I have in my earlier life been the third wheel so many times so I know what it feels like to want someone to look at you and see and want u the way u see and want them but they are blinded by someone you know doesnt have their best intentions at heart ...

This all culminated yesterday in me having a huge fight with my gf ... I said some hurtful things and so did she and I assumed things which just werent true but I assumed them nonetheless ... my mind is just in so much peril when I am here ... I have so many things in my past which influence my future and I just wish I could turn them all off ... wipe them away and see life in the clearer more innocent way that my gf does ...

We are all a product of our environment in some senses but I have been around and seen some things I dont want to remember and I have always been the observer ... watching the goings on and forming opinions and judgements yet never having actually been involved ... I spose sometimes I just feel like I am forcing judgement onto people who really dont deserve it because I put them all in these boxes in my mind where they all sort of slot into ... most cases based on the first few initial encounters with them ...

If I can grow and change ... why cant they ?

/me out

Pain

So today me and the gf were having a nice chat about tattoos and what to get etc ... she has chosen a gorgeous string of butterflies that she wants to have tattooed on her back ... I have included a pic on the side here that gives an idea of what she wants to get ... dunno about all you out there but I think its damn nice ;)

So anyhow ... the discussion was also around the fact that I am interested in getting a tattoo myself on my right arm ... now there is a reason for my interest and it comes down to the fact that just 6 months ago (almost to the day) I had an accident which involved the 'head of my humerous' being snapped off and shattered into 4 pieces in an accident at the beach here in Nigeria (yea yea it wasnt very humorous at the time - tho I think even that joke is getting old hehe) ... anyhow after being airlifted to ZA I was given the option of having them attempt to repair the existing damage or replace it with a solid surgical steel attachment with an 'equivilent' ball joint at the top ... anyhow the repair would have involved multiple operations and if the blood flow didnt return correctly it can suddenly shatter at a later time (basically it dies from the inside out - pretty gross but worse is you dont even know about it till it crumbles) ... anyhow I chose the metal replacement which only involves one op ... so now I sit here 6 months on, typing (perfectly well mind you) with a right arm which is partially bionic (wikked) ... amazing what medical science can do these days ...

Anyhow I wanna get a tattoo to signify the situation I faced and the results of it in and on my life ... it has in many ways made a lot of things change for me and I wanna find a way to remind myself of this and a tattoo seems like a great idea (Miami Ink on Discovery is an amazing influence). So anyhow basically I want a reminder and have sort of settled on getting a warning sign ... in particular a "FRAGILE: Handle With Care" sign (like u get on boxes etc) just to remind myself just how fragile life truly is ... the accident was unique in that if my body had been bent in a slightly different way then instead of my shoulder taking all the impact i basically would have landed on my face and broken my neck ... kinda a close call and one of those things that just makes u really sit up and realize just how easily you could lose everything ... I could be paralysed or as I say worse off and dead.

I think Ill start to express more of my feelings around the accident and my reaction to it in the coming weeks ... having a means to just express yourself to the outside world like this blog really can help to get over some of these things ... I spose it helps that my current most regular reader and biggest fan in the world also sleeps beside me and thinks Im the bees knees. ;)

Night all (that includes u babe ;) )

this blogging thing ...

Okay ... so its my fourth post ... ive been welcomed into this wonderful world by my youngest brother Craig ... but before I go on lemme let u know I did break ... I had another cig (4 to be exact) ... but hey at least im cutting down ... think I have a solution ... over the next few days Im gonna take like a max of 5 with me to work ... just try and reduce my nicotene intake till I can go for longer than 8 hours without desperately wanting one lol ...

Now back to Craig ... he has an interesting post up about physical/mental health and doctors opinions on what is wrong and how to fix it ... you can find this here ...

Based on his findings I have my own comments to relay ...

I have been on Cipralex now for almost 6 months ... its a daily intake and I must admit it totally helps me to avoid anxiety attacks as Craig has been experiencing ... about 2 years ago I was on the same thing for shortly over a year after experiencing a major panic attack which resulted in me being admitted to hopsital for 5 days ...

the thing is anxiety is like a leaky tap ... for most of your life you never really know its there ... then one day you have this major anxiety attack and from then on you just 'know' that anxiety exists ... so like a leaky tap you may be able to go on thru life without any hassles and the leak is manageable ... but the thing is the tap is never again fully closed ... you always know its there and it drips drips drips just waiting for that time (who knows when) that suddenly the leak will burst and out flows the panic yu have been so desperately trying to contain ...

Maybe thats my issue ... I put so much effort into containing it I dont spose I actually ever let it go ... then again ... maybe I need to get a hot chiro and a masseuse (sp) to give me a rub down. ;)

till next time

dont be a fool ... wrap your tool

morning update

Okay ... so I lied ... in total I had 5 ... but there is a reason why ... I was up till like midnight cause I just have so much on my mind atm ...

then of course I had half of one this morning quickly ... tasted like shit so put it out ...

i didnt bring any with me to the office so at least I can be tempted but cant do anything about it ... which is a start imo ... will see how I handle today ;)

Okay so I broke ...

Its now 8:07PM ... yea thats it I broke ... though I will be reasonable ... gonna smoke at max three this eve ... then tom morn i wont at all until i come home in the evening ... amazing how work keeps you busy enough to not want to smoke at all ... then I come home and first person on TV and the cravings hit ;)

Like, I have a blog ...

So here I sit ... 1:34PM Tuesday 10th June ... beginning what I hope will become a regular occurance in my life ... this wonderful world of blogging ... hectic ;)

I just smoked my last cig ... a dodgy nigerian blend dunhill lights ... the blue box with the fem looking all white look ... totally gay imo ...

So this day marks the beginning of the end ... end of smoking that is ... I been planning on quitting for a long time now and this last saturday I even made it to midday before breaking and going out to buy another 3 boxes ... my styvies blue were all done and I had no choice but to buy the locally available crap ... which henceforth has prioritized my decision to quit (believe me once you smoke these local cigs you too will choose to quit :) ).

So why did I start this blog ... why the name ... how etc etc ...

Personally ... I love T&A ... especially the A ... so the simple thought of 9 of them gets me all excited ... however after a quick google I discovered that according to http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=assanine I am not only incorrect in the spelling (as amusingly pointed out by the 3rd response) but I am quite right in thinking it can be used in multiple differing means ... I also just like the sound of the word ... like 'oxymoron' it just has such an incredible flow off the tongue (oxymoron admittedly makes me think of a pimply faced idiot ... go figure) ...

So ... lemme see how the next few hours go and how I handle my withdrawls ... initially Ill be documenting my progress here ... figure its a good way to get my feelings out ...

then again ... who reads this shit anyhow ...